You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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