I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
