I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize