I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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