our cab driver is having phone sex.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize