Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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