I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
