Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
