i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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