At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize