I think my fart just growled at me.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
