At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Randomize
