that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
