i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
