this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
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