I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
