So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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