Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
