can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
My ATM looks so different sober.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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