In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
