I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
