I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I showed him my bush... on skype.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
where does the pee come out of this thing
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
