mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
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