I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
