if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
