Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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