If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
