i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize