I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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