I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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