The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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