You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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