My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Houston, we have a blender
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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