a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
