Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
i think my cat just said my name.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
