There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
