just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
