Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
