Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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