y did u give ur computer a hand job?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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