i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
