So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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