Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
