i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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