well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
a search helicopter?!
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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