I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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