Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
