how can u be prego again
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
