He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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