Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
