So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
