I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
