Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
