Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
