My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
