well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
