If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
