pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
