i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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