a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize