I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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