Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
