we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
