even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I can't put those talents on a resume
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize