So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
