I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
