is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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