Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Everyone says I win the strip club
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Randomize
