this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
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