look no pants
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
