Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
