did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
My liver just broke up with me...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
