dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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