I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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